The White Clover Project: Phase 1

The White Clover Project

Having an identity involves more than understanding your inner self. It also involves influencing others to view you as YOU view yourself. But if you don’t like who you are on the inside…

Jessamy, a 17-year-old high school junior, is sick of people treating her like an outcast for being shy. She has an opportunity to change how she is viewed when her family moves to another part of town. She takes advantage of the move by leaving her unwanted identity behind. On her first day, Jessamy makes friends that would not have known she existed at her former school. A few days pass and she is invited to a party- for the first time. Jessamy sneaks out her house after-hours to attend. She converses with people, has a couple drinks, and enjoys herself. After leaving the party, having too much to drink, Jessamy finds herself in a situation that she would have avoided in her right mind state. During a moment of misjudgement, she unknowingly set off the first event that will soon place her life in the balance. Jessamy tries to resume normalcy the following week but her actions from that night catch up with her. She tries to make sense of everything going on at the expense of those she befriended with her assumed identity. At that moment, Jessamy goes from being an unlucky observer to the linchpin of the White Clover Project.

A telling look into the actions we take to be accepted by others before accepting ourselves, The White Clover Project is a story of seeking out the best person for each of us to display our desired identity.

Amazon: The White Clover Project

Free Verse vol. 9

While inside my mind
All the feelings I have perfectly explain
How much you mean to me
I group these feeling into thought
Before they are sent to my frontal lobe
From there the thought becomes
A perfect expression of my love for you
Then the expression passes by the first hurdle
My heart
It takes the expression and translates it to words
Most times
These words do not translate how I really feel
Something about you changed that
From my heart these words reach my diaphragm
Expanding my lungs to aid me in their delivery
As I begin to speak
My mouth cannot find the words
Instead of letting them free
I trap them in my mind
Trying to improve what was made perfect by you
This hesitation
Makes you believe that I do not care
You start to walk away
Then I try to build words directly from my feelings
They may not have been perfect
But that is how they worked
You turned back to me
As I told you from my feelings
I love you
May not have been the proper words to explain
The depth of all my feelings
But it kept you around for me to tell you
All the words that I wanted to say from my heart

Free Verse vol. 8

My mind doesn’t know
Who I want to be
My heart just wants
To like what I see
My reflection is worst than
All my nightmares combined
Many times I look at myself
And just ask
Who do you want to be
Waiting for an answer as
My reflection sits in cold silence
A tear runs down my face
Carving a scar down my soul
Taking away any good feelings
As it gains more mass
The tear gets so heavy that I
Put my head down in shame
What am I
What will I become
Look up at my reflection
Still no answer
Why do I still care
About who I am
It’s not like I will enjoy
What this world has to offer
Entered head first into life
Now drowning in my sorrow
Trying to learn how
To swim through this universe
Something inside tells me
Just keep swimming
You will know who you are
If you make it to the shore

Free Verse vol. 7

I’m studying volcanism
As I await her response
Two long days
One long guess
I can feel my heart
Beating out my chest
What if she
Wants nothing to do with me
But
What if

I can’t even imagine
Any good response
After the pain I caused
Will she still love me
Can she still love me
I will have to wait and see
Until then
I’ll stare at this phone
Awaiting her reply in misery

What if she wants me
To say something back to her
What if I cannot

Free Verse vol. 6

When I sleep
I see my reality
Not only who I am but
Who I want to be
When I am awake
I no longer feel free
I no longer feel me
On this earth
I feel more like a
Winding jewelry box figurine
Look at how it twirls
Hear how it sings
It can only move when
Someone calls for it

I like what it does
But not what it wants to be
Put it back in the box
Until we want to use it
So it’s not confused with
The world it wants
And the world for it

That’s why we dream
To escape the melancholy
We are the dreamineers
Luminaries of consciousness
That is your reality
And their nightmare