Free Verse vol. 8

My mind doesn’t know
Who I want to be
My heart just wants
To like what I see
My reflection is worst than
All my nightmares combined
Many times I look at myself
And just ask
Who do you want to be
Waiting for an answer as
My reflection sits in cold silence
A tear runs down my face
Carving a scar down my soul
Taking away any good feelings
As it gains more mass
The tear gets so heavy that I
Put my head down in shame
What am I
What will I become
Look up at my reflection
Still no answer
Why do I still care
About who I am
It’s not like I will enjoy
What this world has to offer
Entered head first into life
Now drowning in my sorrow
Trying to learn how
To swim through this universe
Something inside tells me
Just keep swimming
You will know who you are
If you make it to the shore

Free Verse vol. 7

I’m studying volcanism
As I await her response
Two long days
One long guess
I can feel my heart
Beating out my chest
What if she
Wants nothing to do with me
But
What if

I can’t even imagine
Any good response
After the pain I caused
Will she still love me
Can she still love me
I will have to wait and see
Until then
I’ll stare at this phone
Awaiting her reply in misery

What if she wants me
To say something back to her
What if I cannot

Free Verse vol. 6

When I sleep
I see my reality
Not only who I am but
Who I want to be
When I am awake
I no longer feel free
I no longer feel me
On this earth
I feel more like a
Winding jewelry box figurine
Look at how it twirls
Hear how it sings
It can only move when
Someone calls for it

I like what it does
But not what it wants to be
Put it back in the box
Until we want to use it
So it’s not confused with
The world it wants
And the world for it

That’s why we dream
To escape the melancholy
We are the dreamineers
Luminaries of consciousness
That is your reality
And their nightmare

Free Verse vol. 5

We carry these scars
Record of our troubles
Where can the body hold
A record of our joy
The feeling from a perfect view
Gone with the next sight
A touch from our lover
Gone with the next sense
The best food you ever tasted
Gone with the next dish
The best gift you ever received
Gone with the next wish
The only way to store joy
Is to save it in our mind but
Memories come and go
Some we never find
Many scars remain
Even after the fact
Negative memories erase
All of the joy
That’s built up inside
We carry these scars
Embedded in our flesh
Where can the body hold
A record of our joy
We may never know

Are You Alright Mister Lawrence?

tbdAAML

The bond between a mother and son is sacred and like no other. Distance nor time can break this bond. This bond remains strong even in the event of ones death. As voices disappear the memories associated with them remain. You may not remember every good moment you shared but you will never forget any great one.

Like many have experienced, elderly and blind gentleman Mister Lawrence is grief stricken by the death of his mother. While reminiscing on the good times he had with her, Mister Lawrence could not get over what he regretted most about his relationship with his mom. He wished that he could have physically seen what his mom looked like. He has always had a sense of what she looked like from his youth before going blind but no mental image to hold on to. Not being able to actually know what she looks like is keeping him from getting over her death. Later on, he begins to have these strange dreams where he could notice where things are without interacting with them first. In the beginning these things he notice are similar. As time passes they begin to develop unique characteristics that allow him to better identify what he notices. What he experiences in his dreams also begin happening while he is awake and causes him a lot of trouble with his day to day activities and with those around him. Many believe that he is going crazy but some believe otherwise. Find out what is going on with Mister Lawrence. Is he losing his mind or is his mind trying to show him something?

Amazon: Are You Alright Mister Lawrence?

Broken (11&1/2 Months)

Our love will not last
Don’t throw your stones of hatred
Because I’m made of glass
You see

Let’s meet at your place
We have some things to settle
But I won’t turn my back
To you

How do you know when
A relationship is broken
Your heart shatters like glass
and never words the same

There can be no us
Nothing you do can change that
Playing deadly games
That my soul can’t take

I see through your love
You may not be made of glass but
There is a giant void
Where your heart once stood

You seen my damage
From previous relationships and
You still took advantage
I’m done with you for good

Was it worth it?
Was it worth it!

Free Verse vol. 4

The day of your death
Is more important than your birth
The beginning of my existence
Was started from an accident
My birth was a curse
To my parents
She was so close
To getting that abortion
Because of this
I live like I don’t exist
What is the point
Of proving I belong
If it was not meant to be
Despite their mistake
They make the decision
To have more kids
First born
Last thought
These feelings I fought
Through my early days
People all around me
Still I walked a lonely earth
Clouds of judgement
Raining doubt
On my exposed soul
If I find a way out
I will do what’s right
Not for me
But for my parents
So when I die
They will say good things
About who I am
And not the mistake I was